“Dad keeps telling me to call her ‘Mom.' But she's not my
real mom, and I'm not going to call her that.”

Stepparents often wish children would call them Mom or Dad, but
the kids aren't always comfortable with that idea. To lessen stepfamily
tensions, let the children decide what to call their newfound

Very young children sometimes are eager to call stepparents Mom
or Dad; older children do not always see it that way. They may
resent being forced to call new stepparents Mom or Dad, adding
pressure to an already tense situation.

The terms Mom and Dad indicate a close nurturing relationship
that has grown since the child was an infant. It may not feel
right to call the stepparent by such a personal name.

But over time, emotional bonding can become strong enough for
children to use these names for stepparents. If the name starts
out as Mary or John, and warms up to Mom or Dad, it will be more
natural and will allow the children to make their own choice.

Remember, words with that much meaning will only be used with
trust and in time.


Virginia Molgaard
Family Life Specialist
Iowa StateUniversity Extension
Ames, IA 50011

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